bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
