How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
