eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
