There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
