Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
