its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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