so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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