So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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