Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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