He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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