He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
