Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
