If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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