the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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