Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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