my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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