Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
