So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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