i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
