i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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