Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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