if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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