Sponge bath it is.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
