I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
