I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
