I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We're too hungover to prance.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
