how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
