Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
