Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
