The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
