she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
