Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
