Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
