I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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