I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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