Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
