I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
