dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
