When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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