The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So squirting runs in the family.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
