and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
