There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
