I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize