I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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