glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
