oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Semen is not good for contacts.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
