Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
