i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
