I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
