I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
