Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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