Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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