he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
A+ Viking dick
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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