U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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