Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
