I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
