I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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