I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
