I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
