I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
