i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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