You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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