I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
