dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
this must be what syphilis tastes like
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
