Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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