I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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