I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
