bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
