you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
