I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
