there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
