Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
