Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
