So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
