you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
