Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
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He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize