I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
