So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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