no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
