just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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